If you're in a relationship that feels like it's taking more from you than you're getting in return, you may wonder if it's all worth it. But how can you know if it's a bump in the road, or something more serious? How can you empower yourself to change your own behaviors that may be dragging the relationship down?
Marc & Angel run an advice-giving blog, and encounter questions everyday regarding toxicity in relationships. Regardless of what types of behaviors your partner engages in, according to Marc & Angel, honing an awareness of these 4 behaviors will give you a chance at being the healthiest half of your relationship possible.
Marc & Angel Explain
The 4 toxic behaviors to watch for include:
1. Character Assassination
2. Hateful Gestures
3. Denying Responsibility
4. Silent Treatment
Read on to learn more about each.
Character assassination happens when your significant other does something you don't like, and when discussing the behavior, you attribute it to their value as a person, rather than something separate from them that can be stopped. For example, "you are so rude," is character assassination.
Do this instead: "What you just said was rude. Please don't say that anymore. It doesn't reflect who I know you to be."
Any sort of name calling, teasing, threats, mockery, that is verbalized, or physical. Any sort of word, touch or undertone that is carried out maliciously, with the intention or effect of negatively impacting the other person is a hateful gesture.
Do this instead: Use "I statements." For example, "I felt sad when you didn't pick me up on time. I wish you would call next time so I would feel like you care."
If it's not your fault when something goes wrong in your relationship, that only leaves one person to blame... your partner! If your partner feels blamed for everything, whether it truly is their fault or not, they'll close down and not be receptive to you.
Do this instead: Take a hard look at what the problem is, and any teeny-tiny part you may have had in it. Own up to that, and focus on improving what you can control, rather than giving your power away by claiming that you problems are 100% on someone else.
If you find that you're disengaging, not replying to calls, texts, or even questions you're asked in person, that's a sign of passive aggressiveness that will wreak havoc on your relationship.
Do this instead: Acknowledge when your partner initiates communication with you, but if you don't want to speak with them, calmly let them know why and when you'll next be available. If you find that you don't want to make time to speak with them in the near future, it's time to assess whether you want to be in a relationship with this person.